A Stronger Sense of Self-worth.
Updated: Apr 28
I am purposefully focusing on my actions and beliefs, instead of depending on others' opinions to define me. This approach not only allows me to build authentic relationships but also fosters a sense of autonomy for those around me. By moving away from seeking validation and self-esteem solely from others, I can now appreciate them as unique individuals, allowing our relationships to organically unfold and grow. In the past, I was notorious for handing over my self-worth like a ball of clay to lovers, friends, and coworkers, as if to say, "Here you go! Define me and praise me." However, now I am embracing the opportunity to take control, define myself, and cultivate personal growth, while simultaneously nurturing the genuine connections in my life.
I remember road trips to Oklahoma City with Nikki, filled with anticipation as we sped up I-35 to spend holidays with Gaylen, Uncle Richie, and their children. Nikki's Buick LeSabre struggled on the highway, while Simon & Garfunkel set the mood.
In contrast to my unpredictable environment, holidays with Gaylen and Uncle Richie were a safe haven of discipline. They provided stability for their two children, introducing me to concepts like routine dinner and bedtimes. At six years old, I found more peace in their orderly home during four-day visits than in the rest of the year at "home." I longed for two parents, especially ones who cared enough to establish daily structure. I admired the 'boringness' of it all, and looked forward to Christmas holiday all year long.